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The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast. —   Oscar Wilde   —
In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. —   John Adams   —
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. —   George Carlin   —
I intend to live forever. So far, so good. —   Steven Wright   —
Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. —   Unknown   —
When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty. —   Norm Crosby   —
Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. —   Isaac Asimov   —
Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories. —   John Wilmot   —
Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house. —   Rod Stewart   —
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it. —   Bob Hope   —